you are so attractive that it hurts to look at you
and knowing that i had your body once
and then didn’t again
it hurts my stomach
gradu8n
getting too drunk every day for a week was a cool idea
not taking my meds for a week was a cool idea
sleeping with people i know don’t give a fuck about me was a cool idea
basically commencement week was full of cool ideas
every time i went to a party i felt like i was regressing back to being a self hating freshman
and obviously the bro who made a lot of my freshman year super shitty was there even though he graduated a long ass time ago, SERIOUSLY THOUGH WHY PLS GET OUT OF MY LIFE
i feel like i’m going to need at least a week to physically recover from this shit WHO WANTS TO STAY SOBER AND RIDE BIKES FOR THE NEXT 10 DAYS
in sophomore year of college i was in love with a girl who was my best friend, she was the first girl i ever loved and i was only then starting to come into and understand my sexual identity. i didn’t tell her. we slept in each others beds together a lot, a few times a week, i was almost always the little spoon. it was perfect and it was terrible, and i think that is the last time i can remember feeling so much and lately i’ve been thinking about that a lot and feeling like i have so much love, so much desire stuck inside of me with no one to pour it onto and all i can do is get angry at people who are happy.
why is my first instinct always to make fun of everything
i was gonna write something about how i should be more positive but i couldnt think of anything to write that wasn’t making fun of *POSI* culture
spoiler alert, i am kind of a bitch
world’s biggest dingus (WBD) seeking depressed babe for hand holding, weed smoking, and boning (every other day)
sometimes i feel like im just not built to be with other people
as someone who struggles with clinical depression, i’ve spent a lot of time in my life being sad for no “reason.” i’m just now learning that that doesn’t mean it’s not real or valid or that i don’t deserve support. i haven’t been feeling supported lately
i hate when people tell me to “just stop” surrounding myself with people who make me feel bad about myself. like it’s that easy. sometimes the people who make you feel bad about yourself are also the people who can make you feel the best about yourself. and sometimes people make you really unhappy, but to stop being around them would be worse. there are a lot of people i’m glad aren’t in my life any more, but i don’t know what i would have done differently, i would still probably try to keep them around. maybe i should be a stronger person, but i don’t think it’s simple.
sometimes you lie to your psychiatrist
THAT DEFEATS THE PURPOSE ABBY WHY ARE YOU THE WAY THAT YOU ARE
i have the same relationship with taking showers as i do with talking to other people about my feelings
i avoid doing it as much as possible and don’t think it will make me feel good, but then when i get to a point where i have to do it i’m like, why don’t i do this all the time?
